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Thread: JOKES September 2017

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    Senior Member Polaraco's Avatar

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    JOKES September 2017

    We're having a great time with this in igotacummins. Thought you guys should have the same fun. Join in with your jokes. We'll try to start a new one every month. Just keep them clean and avoid hard core politics ie. naming individual crooks. LOL Enjoy

    A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof' department store looking for a job.

    The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

    The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Dakota ."

    Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

    His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor. "How many customers bought something from you today?"

    The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".

    The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida . One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Dakota , but you're not on the farm anymore, son."

    The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day. He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

    The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

    The boss, astonished, says "$101,237.65?!? What the hell did you sell him?"

    The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some new fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

    The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

    The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.

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    Senior Member Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES September 2017

    His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi ... And he needed aloan, So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the Loan Officer.He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an Internationalredneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was nota depositor of the bank. The bank officer told him that the bank would needsome form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to anew Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank.

    The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. Theloan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologizedfor having to charge 12% interest.
    Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a goodlaugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateralfor a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into thebank's private underground garage and parked it.

    Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and theinterest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to havehad your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we area little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn &Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from University ofFlorida, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estateand financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a largenumber of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas. What puzzles us is, why wouldyou bother to borrow $5,000?"

    The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can Ipark my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

    His name was BUBBA....

    Keep an eye on those southern boys! Just because we talk funny does not
    mean they are stupid.

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    Senior Member Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES September 2017

    A man was very sick. Doctors feared the worst. He is at home one day, resting in his bed. He looks up and says, "Is my wife here?"
    His wife replies, "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you."
    The man goes, "Are my children here?"
    "Yes, Daddy, we are all here," said the children.
    "Are my other relatives also here?"
    And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
    The man sits up and says, "Then why in the world is the light on in the kitchen?"

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    Senior Member Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: JOKES September 2017

    This morning, around 7:00 AM, I went for my stroll around the Marina. I noticed a man shouting "Death to all!", when suddenly he tripped and fell into the water.
    He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he was carrying. If he didn't get help he would surely drown!

    Being a responsible citizen, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you help those in distress, I contacted the Police, the Coast Guard, Homeland Security and even the Fire Department!

    It is now 11:00 AM, the terrorist has drowned, and none of the authorities have responded. I'm starting to think I just wasted four stamps.

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